I Hurt.

My throat is sore, my muscles ache and my head is swimming. If you look back on my tonsils (yes, I still have them) you'll see them swollen with white splotches. I wish I could say I have that medicine-head feeling, but the dizziness I have when I move is all part of the cold I seem to have gathered within me.

I think I've caught my annual head/chest cold. I'm not happy about it, either.

Sara isn't doing so well, having some allergies that make her itch all over, and she can't sleep for the itch in her ears. She's got an appointment to see the Vet on Monday. Bear is..well, Bear. He's still being his neurotic needy self... and I have conflicting feelings about that right now. Sometimes I find comfort in his little warm body curled next to mine - sometimes I'm too hot and irritable to want anything beside me, let alone a needy dog.

E is in Greely, but manages to call me at least twice a day. He misses me, he says, and would rather be here so he can help me feel better. He's so cute. He's got this kind of 'manly pride' that's both endearing and annoying depending on the situation. Whenever something comes up where he has a bit of pride in the situation I can mentally see him kind of lift his chin and puff up his chest... I know he does this - I've seen it face to face more than once.

We were talking on the phone today and from out of nowhere he blirted out, "So, are you my girlfriend now, or what?" It was cute... I've certainly never had a man ask me quite like that.

I kinda chuckled for a moment then got really quiet. I could tell the suspense was killing him. Finally, after about a full minute of silence, I said coyly, "That depends. Do you want me to be your girlfriend?"

"Yes, I do," He replied. I could tell by the almost shy tone of his voice that he was doing that chin-lift-chest-puff thing. I guess having to admit his interest was pricking his pride just a little.

I couldn't stop the smile that graced my face when I heard that. "Yes, I'll be your girlfriend," I said quietly.

You know how you can tell when someone smiles on the other end of the line? The tone and atmosphere changes and you can just 'feel' the other person's smile?

For a moment there was nothing but silence and I could tell he was grinning from ear to ear. Then he loudly exclaimed, "Holy shit! She's my girlfriend!!!"

Funny, but as I write this it seems kinda like we're two kids talking about being boyfriend/girlfriend for the first time. For me, it is the first time but he's had more relationships than I have, so you'd think he'd be more savvy about it... It was cute, nonetheless and very endearing in a very simple and open way.

It's got me to thinking about how people act in relationships. We tend to pride ourselves on our abilities to remain calm, confident and collected. We treat love as if it were a game where we weave tons of different 'charms' into our webs in order to attract the kind of person we think we want. When we finally 'catch' a person it usually ends in disaster. We become a little more jaded and weave a more structured web.

Is that really what we should be doing? Shouldn't we just be ourselves and shout when we're excited or happy, cry when we're upset or hurt and open ourselves up to the ones we've let in our lives?

The more I think about E's openness in his response the happier I am with it, and the more encouraged I am to be completely open in my responses to him. After all, we're both worth the time and effort it takes to build a lasting, trusting and open relationship.

Speaking of honesty and openness....

C still hasn't come around, called or messaged me, and if you haven't noticed by this post, I've decided that I don't need that kind of behavior in my life. It's not so much that he isn't around that's bothering me, it's that he hasn't made an effort to let me know what's going on even though I asked for honest communication from the very beginning.

I honestly believe he's become bored with my calm, quiet lifestyle and has decided to find himself someone who's a bit more active and 'fun'. I wish him the best and hope that he does, indeed, find someone that's more to his liking.

I think I've just about run out of 'things' to put here in my 'catch all drawer' for now so I'll leave you with 2 anonymous quotes that I absolutley adore as they are very applicable to my love life here lately.... :

Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.

~And~

Sometimes you put walls up not to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to break them down.