Changes.

A lot has happened to me the last few weeks. I'm happy now, actually.... well, happier than I have been.

I didn't realize how much I had come to dislike my job or how I had come to resent my boredom there. Since having moved on, I'm much happier. I've found another job that gets me out and about for 40 hours a week. It doesn't pay enough to pay bills so I'll need to find another job as soon as possible, a part time job to make up for the lack of hourly wage.

I find that people keep disappearing in my life. First C, now E. What is it with men who just stop talking to me? Sometimes I truly feel like maybe I'm just here to entertain people until it's time for them to move on. Everyone in my life has moved on except a select few, and sometimes I sit in bed late at night and wonder when they'll move on as well.

It's not truly a piece of depression anymore, I don't think. It's more of an expectation. I expect people to leave me. I expect people to just stop calling one day and ignore my phone calls.

I have some truly wonderful friends. People who have supported me when I've been at one of my lowest points. People who have helped walk me through some really tough times. I don't think they would intentionally turn their backs on me. I don't think they would just one day up and decide they don't need me in their lives to hurt me. But I do know that most people do, at some point, decide to move on from where they're at. They decide that some relationships aren't worth the effort. And I truly believe sometimes that any relationship with me is one of those kinds. One of those relationships that just aren't worth the effort of keeping.

Yes, I'm depressed. I'm upset at being used by yet another guy. I'm beginning to think that relationships just aren't worth it, at least romantic relationships. They're not worth the feeling of lonliness and worthlessness I go through each time another guy decides to just stop talking to me, each time another guy decides that they've gotten all they can from me.

Is this all there is to romantic relationships? If it is, than I don't need it in my life.