Man Oh Man

A few months ago I went on a date with someone. It was a one-night-stand sort of situation (or so I thought at the time). E wasn't really the most handsome man on the face of the earth, nor was the the ugliest but we had chemistry. I was undeniably attracted to him even though he had dark coloring and dark hair.

Well, of course after our night of fun he never called and I was hurt, felt rejected, and got over it. Then I saw a few other men and met C.

That's background.

Now for the fun stuff.

Last night C finally called. It had been a week since we last talked. He said that his dog had been sick and he hasn't been sleeping and that he'd had friends over to celebrate his birthday.

Ok, fine. But why didn't he just return my message? Ugh.

Anyway, after I got off the phone with C and was getting on the phone to work I got a PM from E.

He explained that he broke his leg after we went out and because he broke his leg and was tied up at his house he had no way of contacting me. He had been having a hard time because of the broken leg, and had lost a ton of friends. He ended up in bed for a month because of the broken leg, and had moved in with his parents. He was and still is very much interested in me.

Well, I'd been feeling a little lonely, considering not having talked to C for a week, so I told E he could come over for a visit if he wanted.

The man walked 5 miles to my house after having been awake all day long (he got here at almost 1 am) and we sat and chatted while I worked. He stayed and visited until 11 am. We still very much have that chemistry and it was difficult for both of us to keep it in check but all we did was talk, drink coffee, and play with the dogs.

E's looking for a long term committed relationship with a woman who's honest and affectionate.

So.. now I'm confused, to say the least. I like C, although what we have is going really slowly. C and I don't talk about what we want in a relationship, we only see each other once a week (and haven't seen each other in the last 3 going on 4 weeks). C and I have a weird sort of relationship. I don't know where I stand with him because the only thing he's said is that he's seeing me, and he doesn't see more than one woman at a time. We have slept together several times and he's good in bed but that's not really what I need out of a relationship. While C is filling a spot for me that I do need (physical affection even if short term helps my confidence in my physical attributes) he isn't giving me all that I need.

I need tons of affection. Sex is good, but I need someone to sit with me and hold me while we watch a movie or go for a walk with me and hold my hand. I need a nice man who wants to spend quality time with me, along with having that sexual desire and fulfillment.

C isn't giving me that. I know that it could possibly because of different schedules, but he doesn't make time for me on the weekends, either. When we do see each other it's for a few hours on Sunday nights. I really need to talk to C and see what it is he wants. Because although I do care for him, I'm not falling for him. I could if he gave me what I needed, but that's not the point. He isn't fulfilling all my needs. I need to find out if he wants to or not.

At this point, I don't think C wants to.I am going to talk to him and give him the chance, but I don't think he'll grab it.

So, that being the case, I've talked to E about it.

E wants the chance to do it, but is afraid that I'll hurt him like his ex did. E wants affection. He wants to sit under a blanket, watch a movie and just be together. True, we're also very much attracted to each other and there is a very strong sexual pull... but that's not the only thing he wants.. nor is it the only thing I want.

So, that's where things are with most of the males in my life.

I spent time with G on Tuesday. Spent some time gabbing with GT and R Monday evening. They both simply adore Sara. Bear is starting to calm down a bit when it comes to Sara being near me. Every now and then he'll growl at her or something, but for the most part he's ok with her. When I take them outside he's even trying to play with her, which is cool. She's still kinda leery of him, though, because he has been such a butthead to her.

She and I are starting to bond really well. I'm hoping that she becomes really attached to me so that she'll protect me should the need arise.

Anyway, I'm tired, grumpy and pmsing so I'm done writing for now.