First Time Babysitting.

It's weird to realize that the reason you're unable to sleep isn't because you're in a weird place, but because the person you're used to sleeping with isn't there.

Last night I babysat my nephew for the first time since his birth. It was both fun and horrible at the same time. I didn't sleep a wink all night, held Z for most of the night, got spit up on, changed dirty poopy diapers, and missed JM all night.

To say that I'm tired is an understatement.

Was it worth it? I'm not sure....but yes, it was. Z is a cutie even if his father isn't what I would hope for my sister. JC is trying to be a good father and for the first time I finally understand the problems between JC and JM's communication.

JC thinks he's doing what TJ's wanting him to while TJ is just venting... like all women do. He has that classic male thinking in that when TJ mentions something that's bothering her, he feels he has to go fix it.

Men are good for that fixing stuff.....

When women actually want them to do it.

Problem is, women are 9 times out of 10 simply venting their feelings rather than seeking men's help in fixing the problem/concern.

Because TJ has never been in a relationship before, and because JC isn't as mature as he should be considering his age, there is a lack of understanding and it brings JM and I into it.

And because JM feels that JC is simply being ignorant and immature he takes offense whenever JC asks me to do something like spend the night at their house to babysit rather than doing it from my own home. TJ's concerns are real and valid. Both TJ and JC wanted me to spend the night at their house for valid concerns.

However, JC's inability to explain things in a non-confrontational manner added to their lack of communication to JM and I regarding that small piece of info when they asked me to babysit created problems. Way too many problems.

Life is never easy, though, right?!

To tell you how much, JM's and my finances are beyond 'concerning' me. We've dug ourselves into a hole I'm afraid we might not be able to recover from and it all stems from when my sister moved in and has just been getting worse since.

Things with JM and I are doing well relationship wise, though. Our communication is great and we seem to get closer every day. I can't explain to you how I came to the realization that I couldn't sleep because JM wasn't with me, but I know for a fact that's why I couldn't sleep last night. Every time I started to relax I'd realize he wasn't there and be wide awake again.

At one point I started to fall asleep with Z sleeping on my chest and imagined that JM was there. I reached over to feel his warmth and felt nothing but couch and heard the cooing of a 13 day old baby.

Today is going to be a long one. If I go to sleep now I won't want to wake up in 15 minutes, which is when I need to wake up. The lure of JM's sleeping form behind me, though, is much more tempting than I ever want him to know. What woman wants her man to know that she misses him like crazy whenever they're apart?

Anyway, I'm going to eat some ice cream and read and hopefully that'll keep me from curling up next to JM and falling fast asleep.